Heart of the Matter: Finding romance

When you think about the way you prefer to be approached by your partner and the way you approach your partner, do you have an idea of how you like to feel?

When we were young, we were often fed romantic fairytales of happily ever after, so it is no surprise that romance can play a big role in what excites us and how we like our partners to act toward us.

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So, what is this romance thing all about? How do you give it and how do you receive more of it?

Sometimes, people become scared of romance because they worry it might mean they are making more of a commitment than they are ready for. Romance can also feel scary because it might mean acting mushy, and mushy can feel vulnerable. Also, there are people who just do not feel a connection to romance, and that is totally fine, too.

Romance is often advertised as this thing all partners must do begrudgingly for each other, but only on special occasions such as Valentine’s Day, birthdays or anniversaries (tip: those special days can be romantic, but do not forget about ordinary “just because” days). The truth is, there are partners who really enjoy being romantic and there are others who do not enjoy romance at all.

When I talk about romance, I like to break it down into three areas of focus: feeling, touch and expression. This will help you understand what to ask your partner for if you want to receive and also help you be a better giver.

If I could describe romance with words, I would say that it is all about warmth, connection and this overall glowing feeling in yourself. It is that feeling when you are first falling in love, when you can literally feel your heart expanding with bliss and everything feels like pink, puffy clouds and perfection. Now take that in and imagine that when you touch your partner. You want them to feel all of that sweetness.

Romantic touch is all about light, feathery touch and moving slow. Think about slowly tucking your sweetie’s hair behind his or her ears, with soft eye contact.

Now, when we get to expressions, this can include words and actions. Things like “You’re the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes on” or “I want to be with you forever.”

Other expressions can be a sweet text in the middle of the day, a handwritten letter or a surprise of your partner’s favourite chocolates or flowers, just because. And of course, date night.

The intent behind all of this is that no matter how big or small the expression, your sweetie is special and they are on your mind throughout the day. So go ahead and give romance a try.

Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.

Copyright © 2017 Powell River Peak


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