In my last column, I wrote about romance and what it’s all about. Now, romance is lovely and many people connect strongly with it, but it is important to understand that romance is not the only way to find excitement in your relationship.
Romance might be a bit too soft or sweet for you or your partner, or there could be something else you need to feel more excited. If that is the case, you might be more connected to passion.
Passion is like taking the sweetness of romance and giving it a spicy edge. Passion can become a highly sought-after aspect of a relationship without even realizing it. Because our culture, especially the media, puts so much emphasis on romance and “playing by the rules,” passion can become a forgotten thing.
Passion is what happens when we let go of the insecurities and self-consciousness that often hold us back in our expressions, as well as the messages about being nice, good and compliant.
Passion is largely about feeling overtaken, intensity and urgency. It is also about connecting with your authentic self, the things that really align with your soul and make you excited to be alive, so it makes sense that when we are able to let go of the restraining self talk and allow the passion to ignite, our inner animal will come fully alive.
Previously, when I wrote about romance, I shared how the energy of romance is all about feeling loved, special and perfect: the “happily ever after” type of stuff.
If I could give you a visual of passion, it would be two lions circling each other, tracking each other’s movements with intense eye contact and conveying their intensity to one another without using words, waiting until the most perfect moment before moving in for the kill. The key details here are holding intense eye contact, tension and animal energy. You can also grab your partner’s hair, give firm touch or full body contact.
When I talk about passion, it might sound like I’m referring only to intimacy. But the truth is, if passion is your “jam,” then the more areas of your life you can bring passion in, the better.
As I mentioned earlier, connecting to your authentic self is a large part of living a passionate life, not just connecting to it, but going after what you truly desire.
Something you might find is that one of you prefers romance and the other prefers passion, or that both energies work, but at different times, dependent on mood. Take some time to experiment and find out what really works; you might be pleasantly surprised.
Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.
