As many of my readers know, I was employed at a classy adult toy shop in Vancouver for a number of years. I loved that job for many reasons, but mostly because it was sex positive and focused on educating its customers.
I was also able to learn about humans and how we relate to sexuality and shame, in real time. I often had the privilege of witnessing it melt away, too.
I was comfortable asking questions and making recommendations, sharing my own experiences and my excitement for the newest pretty sex toy. That comfort was contagious and continues to play a large role in my coaching practice today.
Having said that, I want to talk a bit about the awesomeness of sex toys and the advantages of introducing them into your intimate relationship. Whenever this subject comes up as a new idea for a relationship, there can be a variety of reactions, ranging from curiosity, disgust, insecurity, excitement, intimidation, relief and many more.
It is really important to notice what comes up for you and honour whatever is there, not to say there is no value in pushing against an idea when it feels good to do so.
Here are my top three benefits of bringing sex toys into your relationship:
Having your needs met
If you read my column, you’ll know I’m in support of accepting your body and its abilities in the present moment. For some of us, our bodies do not always cooperate with our minds, so sometimes a little extra “buzz” can be the ticket to getting us (or our partner) to the final destination, so to speak. Breaking out one of those accessories can be just the thing to avoid a disappointing or frustrating end to the evening.
Spicing up your intimate life
Trying something new in your relationship can create a rush of those happy hormones and renew your relationship. Pleasure objects in the bedroom can be fun, creative, exciting and really add some new flavour to your intimate world.
Self-care
This has become quite popular to talk about and market these days, and that is great. But let me clarify, self-care does not just mean yoga or a pair of new shoes. It really means “pleasure.” What better way to tap into pleasure than some one-on-one time with yourself where you do not have to do all the work.
It is valuable to talk openly about intimate needs and what happens in those moments where you or your partner is not having sexual or intimate needs met, or maybe one of you wants to try something new.
Sex toys are made for all sorts of different bodies and needs. They are not for one specific gender, body type or need and they certainly are not meant to replace your partner.
So, go ahead, indulge your curiosity.
Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.
