Have heard the term “emotional intelligence” before?
Emotional intelligence is the way in which a person identifies and manages their own emotions, as well as how they react to the emotions and actions of others.
If you are interested in growing beyond your reactions, building stronger relationships, gaining a deeper understanding of yourself and communicating better with others, then check out the list below.
Observe your feelings and practise speaking to them
In the world of “busy,” it has become a bit too easy to move through our lives without taking a moment to feel our feelings. When that happens, sometimes we don’t realize we are already in reaction to a feeling we haven’t acknowledged. To reconnect and make space for your emotions, make a point to check in with yourself a few times throughout the day. Close your eyes, breathe down into your belly and notice how you are feeling emotionally and where in your body it is showing up. When you find it, either say the feeling out loud or simply acknowledge it to yourself. Meditation, yoga or a walk in the woods are other great ways to slow down and tap into mindfulness.
Notice your behaviour
Reflect on the way you act when you are experiencing different emotions and the effects those actions have in your life. You will notice that it will become easier to manage your emotions when you are more conscious of how you react to them.
Consider alternate opinions
It can be really easy to stay in a safe space of shared opinions and viewpoints, but when people bring different ideas to the table, it can create an opportunity to challenge yourself and grow. Even if the opinions are radically different from yours, you might learn something from listening with curiosity, not to mention how it will help you understand different people. Empathy is very relevant here.
Own your feelings
The thing about your feelings and behaviours is that they come from you and no one else. Yes, of course you might have feelings about the actions of another person, but those feelings are still yours. The sooner you can take responsibility and own those feelings (and reactions), the better.
Commit to a lifelong practice
Cultivating emotional intelligence is a lifelong practice, you are never actually “done.” It takes time to develop and requires you to continue investing throughout your life.
Be willing to leave your comfort zone
Playing it safe is a good way to stay feeling, well, safe. When you avoid risk, you avoid the chance at growth and new experience.
Lean in and see what happens; you never know, you might just love it.
Leave the drama outside
When someone close to you is having a tough time, be supportive by listening and offering empathy, but don’t get wrapped up in it or allow it to take over your life.
Invest in yourself
If you have emotional wounds that haven’t been processed, you owe it to yourself to heal. It isn’t a problem that you have wounds, it’s a problem if you don’t heal them. Get some support, work with a counsellor or other healer and move beyond your pain.
When you understand how your emotions impact your thoughts and behaviours, you can have more control over yourself and manage your reactions more easily, leading to richer, more satisfying relationships in your life.
Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.
