Before I was an intimacy coach, I practised massage and various styles of bodywork. I still do, it’s just not the focus of my career anymore.
In my massage training, the instructors offered this idea of “finding the edge,” when working on a client or receiving a massage, especially with deep tissue work. It is the idea of sinking into the tissue until the limit of depth and pressure has been reached; the place just before it is too much to breathe through the work that is happening.
Finding the edge in bodywork is a combined effort between the practitioner and client, relying on breath, trust, feeling, intuition, communication and actively letting go. Finding that sweet spot and working there is often where shifts in the body (and mind) happen; it is one of my favourite things about giving and receiving deep-tissue massage and also one of my favourite things about the somatic style of coaching I offer and seek out.
It is no surprise I moved the focus of my career into joining the physical body and emotional body, because there is a connection in finding the edge in the physical and emotional. Body-mind connection is what we call it, and it is powerful.
If you have ever felt angry, joyful or even cried during or after any kind of bodywork (massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, reflexology, yoga, et cetera), you have tapped into the body-mind connection. Emotions coming up when our bodies are touched, adjusted or stretched is no coincidence, and the connection between body and mind has a lot to do with why I appreciate finding my edges (and helping others find theirs, too).
So what is this “edge” I keep referring to? As I mentioned above, in bodywork it is the place where the limit of depth has been reached, the point right before you cannot breathe easily through the work. But, it can also be applied to things that are not massage.
Usually when I’m writing I say things such as “finding your edge” and “that is my edge” or “I bumped up against an edge” and “working an edge.” When I refer to the edge in this way, it means I have been confronted with something I find challenging and I may or may not be trying to work through it on a more emotional level.
A recent example of me bumping up against an edge took place just last week. My co-host in a weekend workshop had been trying to get me to do a live recording on social media to talk about our workshop and generate more interest in the event. I have a really tough time with public speaking (I might even call it an edge), so I was not rushing to the video camera. Eventually, I acknowledged my fears, shared my nervousness with my supportive co-host, told myself it was time and messaged my co-host that I wanted to get past this edge.
So we did the live recording and although it was a bit awkward, I definitely survived.
Obviously, that was a fairly small edge in comparison to others, but the concept is the same. Once we can recognize there is an edge, we can then reach out for some support and validation of our fears and then we can begin the process of moving through that stuck spot.
Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.
