So, I want to talk about kissing. It’s one of those things that can be underrated, but can also be one of the simplest forms of getting the fire going, so to speak.
A make-out session can easily make it or break it for a potentially sexy experience, so it’s important to talk about, if you want to have a sexy time, that is.
I’m not talking about the quick peck on the lips when you come home from work or the half-hearted kiss before you roll over to sleep. I’m talking about that kiss when you are fully present, fully tuned in (to your partner) and fully turned on.
The kiss heats you up, makes your mouth salivate and tells your sweetie how you really feel about them, without even using words.
As I’ve mentioned in previous columns, sometimes when we have been with someone for a while, intimacy can have a tendency to change. Those happy hormones that were flooding our systems in the beginning of the relationship can take a dip.
I also wonder if it is a “chicken or the egg” type of scenario. When we enter into a new relationship, we get a rush of those rose-coloured hormones that make us extra aroused and extra happy. As the relationship goes on, we become more comfortable and the hormones settle down.
We become friends with our sweetie, which is one of the lovely things about relationships, but as I’ve mentioned before, it can also have a tendency to kill that hot desire from the early days.
With the hotness fading into coolness, kissing can become just another routine thing you do. It’s not the end, though; it just means a bit more effort is required to tap back into the heat.
Speaking of heat, back to your hottest kiss. Is kissing a part of your relationship these days? If not, I would ask a couple of questions.
First, do you both enjoy kissing? If not, is there anything that could change in the way you kiss each other to make it a more appealing experience for either of you?
If yes, then here is my next question. When you think back on the best kiss you have ever been a part of, what are the elements that really stand out to you? It is possible you may not have ever been kissed in the way you want; it might still be a fantasy.
The details might surprise you or not really make sense, but that’s okay, just go with it. For some of you, it might be the tension of anticipation just before your lips make contact or that something about the act is forbidden, or perhaps the energy was deep, passionate and left you wanting more. Maybe it has nothing to do with any of those examples.
The fact is, now that you are thinking about it, and assuming you have a willing partner, you have an even better chance at making it a reality.
Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.
