Since I began writing this column, an increasing number of people in the community have begun to recognize me out in everyday life. It surprises and delights me when I’m recognized by complete strangers for my writing in our local paper. I feel honoured to be welcomed into your homes a couple times a month; having a positive impact on people's lives and relationships is a big source of my inspiration.
Of all the different questions and comments that come my way, the most common one is, “How did you get into this line of work?”
It happened the other day at my desk job, it comes up every time I facilitate a group or workshop and it happens in the grocery store. I get it, sexuality and relationships are interesting, and it's not a career choice you hear of every day.
As far back in my life as I can remember, there was a curiosity about sexuality, as well as people and their inner workings, and how it all fits together. I was often the friend in the group who talked openly about sexuality and personal experience and the friend that other friends came to with questions.
What I’ve come to learn in all my years of educating, retail, leading workshops, private coaching and facilitating circles, is that shared experience is some of the most powerful medicine for shame.
One of the first educational books I got was on tantra; a birthday gift I asked for from my mom one year. By the time I was 19 years old, I had a small but growing library of books on the subject. I wanted to read everything I could get my hands on, so my search was constant.
At that point in my life, I never considered that a career as a sexuality and relationship coach was even an option. I didn't even know it existed. So, culinary arts was the direction I went in, until I soon realized it wasn’t a fit for me.
I’ll never forget the moment I knew where I was heading. I was on my computer, searching the internet for sexuality-related careers and I came across three things: Sex Therapy, an institute in California that was dedicated to all things sexuality, and a Tantra and Sexual Healing Retreat on Bowen Island that was happening the very next month. The fire was lit. I signed up to the retreat and mapped out the way to the rest.
A few months later, I moved to Vancouver and officially changed course. I started working at The Art of Loving, a sex-positive shop in Kitsilano where they trained me as an erotic educator.
I stayed there for many years, selling toys, hosting workshops, educating and melting the shame of the general public. I loved that job. It gave me an amazing foundation of knowledge and propelled me toward working more closely with people, which included enrolling in the programs that I now hold certifications in: sex and relationship coaching and clinical sexology.
It has been a long time coming, even beyond my conscious knowing. But when I look back at the history of my life, it all makes sense now, and I’m so grateful to be here.
Niseema Emery is a certified intimacy and relationship coach in Powell River.
