There is a story we continuously tell to the world that heavily influences how, where and with whom our days unfold. Without voicing a single word, this story can determine if we experience the energizing effects of success, or if we get stuck in places of frustration, failure and destructive addictive habits.
Our body language, or nonverbal communication, will enhance the chances of assertive interaction with the world. Conversely, it can sabotage efforts to navigate the maze of daily life to sustain a positive self-image.
In the mostly physical world of the mountain gorilla, the male silverback gorilla postures himself tall and proud with clenched fists repetitively pounding his heavy chest. The clear message echoes throughout a part of the jungle in Uganda and Rwanda; he is the boss and is willing to back up this nonverbal action and defend his group. Social cohesion is intact and all is well in the jungle.
Most of us are a little more nuanced in the nonverbal messages we send to the world, nonetheless, how we say something often has more impact than what we actually say.
Ancient Egyptian, one of the oldest languages, dates back to 3,300 BCE, while fossil evidence suggests humans have been around for 100,000 to 200,000 years. Grunting and posturing were effective communication tools long before prose and poetry. We are more silverback gorilla and less Shakespeare than we would like to admit.
We have evolved and adapted, as a species, in complex and technological ways, however, we are still primates, so self-awareness of body language is a big part of good mental health.
Most of us, including me, don’t want or need to present ourselves as the top dog in the pack. I’m willing to leave that stress and pressure to someone else. We just want to be happy, healthy and coexist with success.
Still, any tool or habit that is empowering and will lessen chances of revisiting self-destructive addiction is a good thing.
An assertive nonverbal way of communicating creates respect and sends a clear message with less chance of misinterpretation and conflict. For me, being constantly misunderstood created the poisonous air where addiction and self-sabotaging actions thrived.
After years of bad habits with body language, it takes perseverance, patience and practice to develop positive nonverbal default behaviour.
A straight upright posture and sustained eye contact are a couple of fundamental practices toward positive nonverbal interaction. To folks who haven't dealt with trauma, serious addiction or other low self-image factors, it might seem self-evident to be upright and clearly spoken. For others, basic good habits around nonverbal life could be the first step toward a better, brighter self-affirming world.
Some research suggests that 60 to 90 per cent of all communication is based in nonverbal habits of behaving. Adapting better body language could be the first step toward a life of clarity, understanding and, perhaps, being 100 per cent drug and alcohol free.
Robert Skender is a Powell River freelance writer and health commentator.
