No matter how much you rehash the details of your past failures and unhealthy choices, you will not be able to change any of them. The only thing you will gain by going back to the past is being hurt again and the feeling of being stuck.
Accept your past, embrace your present and plan for your future. I believe this is a perfect and simple recipe for a happy life. Then why do so many of us dwell on past experiences and hurts?
I discovered that we must have some kind of payoff for living in the past. Being a victim feels good for a while, then reality checks in and we lose control over our destiny.
While a certain amount of self-reflection can be healthy to become your greatest self, you need to be able to focus on the present. Looking backward diminishes your chance for present enjoyment of your life.
You may need to spend a little time thinking about why you’re stuck in the past. Do you feel like you don’t deserve a better life and happiness? Are you holding onto a grudge because you think your anger devalues someone’s life?
Sometimes, dwelling on the past is a way to distract yourself from an unsatisfactory present life. There are times that many of us romanticize how happy we were being young, in love or having money.
Maybe you beat yourself up for making the wrong choice.
Making healthy life decisions requires a skill that not very many of us have. I love this quote by Keri Russell: “Sometimes it’s the smallest decision that can change your life forever.”
You owe it to yourself to live the best life given to you. Pay attention to lessons, not losses.
I know it’s hard to think about lessons when we are still hurting. I know what you’re going through; I have been in that hole for many years. But focusing on negative experiences is hurting you more than anybody else.
Some of the best lessons came from the toughest times in my life. So, how did I turn my life around? I have invested time, energy and worked to heal myself. It took determination to let go of fears, frustration and shame to become healthy and confident.
Denying your past isn’t about ignoring the things that happened. Instead, you choose to courageously embrace and accept your experiences so you can live in the present. Once we start focusing on who we want to become, not who we used to be, life becomes full of clarity and possibility.
So, while you can reflect on the past just enough to learn from it, make sure to let go of whatever anger, shame or guilt that is holding you back. Sometimes it pays to talk to a professional who can guide you to a better and more rewarding life.
When you’re ready to make small life changes that will make a big impact on your life, email me at [email protected]. My 15-minute consultation is free.
Life coach Ranka Burzan owns a professional organizing company based in the qathet region and has written several books on reducing clutter and becoming more organized. For information, go to solutionsorganizing.com.
